Rhys Update

from Oct. 10, 2017

Hello friends,

Thank you for praying for Rhys, he's doing great!

Thank you for praying for me, God has done a beautiful thing in me this weekend. If you're looking for the short story, there it is.God is faithful (as we knew), God is our healer (as we knew also).

For those of you in for the long ride:

You all know that last week I was dealing with some pretty difficult depression stemming from lies. I was wrestling with God over things I believed or demanded sinfully and what to do about it. I was overwhelmed by lies that seemed unbreakable.

As I was explaining to a sweet Mongolian friend that I was wrestling with God in a kind of charades motioning, God told me that when I wrestle with him, he gets to hug me... I needed that perspective of wrestling!

So I go on the retreat prepared to Theo (Theophostic Prayer) and dig into the lies. There was a block of time on Saturday afternoon that really looked prime and my roommate and I figured out the details of who gets the room when. Friday night's talk was about running with the end in mind as Paul tells us in Romans.

Saturday morning my small group leader shared about a very difficult time when her kids were back home in Canada and she was still called here in Mongolia. One daughter was trampled by her horse and had severe head injury and another daughter worked at a ski resort and someone decided to toboggan down the stairs and she got flipped in the air and landed on her head, another major head injury. She talked about a day she spent gardening and talking with God about her children and herself and shouldn't she go home, why is she here so far away. There were two of many pieces of her conversation that really stuck with me the first was as she began transplanting things God asked her why she was doing it and they talked about the benefits and how she was trying to be a good gardener. God asked her if she thought he was a good gardener. The second was as she moved sunflowers that had randomly grown up in the corn field and God asked why she was moving those. She explained they would block the sun from the corn and it couldn't grow right. God responded that if she was in Canada with her children she would overshadow them and they wouldn't grow right either. Both of these statements felt deeply appropriate for me.

The other major piece was the main speaker on Saturday. When I met her on Friday she immediately introduced herself as being the mother of 13 kids. Her physical body type was also very similar to my own mother. In that first moment on Friday I pre-judged her and put her in a box. A very ugly box. I had also realized that part of the lies I was dealing with were lies about being the kind of parent my mother was and how deeply discouraging that is.

On Saturday when I was supposed to Theo I found myself incredibly tired and I ended up sleeping for 2.5 hours instead of praying. When I woke, I decided that if I was supposed to pray God would have woken me and I'm not beating myself up. So that evening the woman who I had hung my mom's image on got up to speak. She was introduced by a girl who gushed about her amazing qualities. This only further cemented my opinion because my siblings and I said my mother was an amazing mom to anyone not blood related and there were many an ignorant stranger who praised my mom for her mothering. Except this woman seemed sincerely embarrassed by the praise. Then she spoke and the first thing she did was praise and honor her husband. Right there I was shocked, my mom would never (has never) done that. Then she spoke on obedience. We were completely on a new train here and I heard God say she's not your mom. After a pause he said you are not her either. Something truly broke in that. I heard some other things about speaking and leading that I'm still wrestling out with him and not willing to talk about yet. (Prayers for wisdom, discernment, confirmation, confirmation, confirmation, closing doors, discernment, and being on the same page with Chaz in these regards are much appreciated). Sunday's talk was about not doing things in your own strength and that is also another lie that had to be dealt with, but I wasn't thinking about when we came in. It was good to be able to declare that I will no longer trust in the work of my own hands and he will be my only strength.

I got the opportunity to share with the Saturday speaker of what God used her to do and I am telling the small group leader of how God used her. Thank YOU all for praying for me over this weekend. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for not trying to make the pain and grief and struggle disappear and just standing beside me as I walked through. God is faithful and you all were constant reminders that our faith is justified. You had faith for me when mine was lacking, thankyou!

My Thursday prayer friends, last Thursday night standing in the Muncie fireside room with you was a deeply spiritual moment! Thankyou! I never knew a prayer circle could be a very effective time/space transporter. Our prayers are powerful friends!

I am so grateful for your prayers friends!

I love you,

Jean